I need a break. And I don't mean vacation, from which I've just returned. I just got off a conference call with my regional manager that was a lovely way to start a day off. I'm trying to tell myself not to let it ruin my day, but Father God is using it to remind me that I'm at my breaking point. And when I get to my breaking point, I'm usually WAY past my breaking point.
It's been awhile since I've been here. Tired. Broken. Exhausted, even. On the verge of tears. Hoping against hope that I don't have to go to work. Letting every little thing get to me. Joy? Gone. Life? Sucked out. It's almost a place of despair. A black hole that has no exit.
In between writing this, I've been checking other sites, and saw this on Facebook: Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." I needed that this morning to get out of my quagmire. I'm not out, but I certainly can say that my focus today won't be my situation. It will be breathing prayers and listening to what my Father has to say. I am absolutely at my wit's end, but He knows that. He may be silent, but I will not fret. He is near.
November 12, 2014
November 10, 2014
Jerks Need Jesus
Back after a long hiatus. Marriage will do that to you -- nothing changes, everything is the same. It's really not a bad thing, just difficult to get away. I understand what Paul meant when he said that married peoples' interests are divided in 1 Corinthians 7.
Today is post-worthy because hubby and I just got back from Brasil, where we met and fell in love. We went with the group that I first went with, that fateful year that Hugo Chavez got overthrown. A second time. They're family to us, and they consider us family too. It was fantastic to serve alongside them, and satisfying to fall right back into the role I had for so long.
The role I have here? Not so easy. I'm the manager of my particular pharmacy and have been gone for a week. What do I walk into? Chaos. What I wanted to say to one man would have cost me my job. Then came the voice. "Jennifer, these people need Jesus." I've become so jaded and so impatient with people who act like they have no sense that I've forgotten why I'm there.
People are stupid. They are rude. They come in looking for a fight. They come into my place and don't feel good. They complain about anything and everything. People are jerks. Jerks that need Jesus. How much more of a jerk would I be if I didn't have him? I shudder to think, because it's pretty jerky around here.
I struggle to marry my mission with my job description. What would the Lord have me do? How would He have me handle the internal and external struggle to mesh the two? His command and corporate expectations. My ministry and management. All I know at this point is that God has been gracious to remind me why I am where I am.
Today is post-worthy because hubby and I just got back from Brasil, where we met and fell in love. We went with the group that I first went with, that fateful year that Hugo Chavez got overthrown. A second time. They're family to us, and they consider us family too. It was fantastic to serve alongside them, and satisfying to fall right back into the role I had for so long.
The role I have here? Not so easy. I'm the manager of my particular pharmacy and have been gone for a week. What do I walk into? Chaos. What I wanted to say to one man would have cost me my job. Then came the voice. "Jennifer, these people need Jesus." I've become so jaded and so impatient with people who act like they have no sense that I've forgotten why I'm there.
People are stupid. They are rude. They come in looking for a fight. They come into my place and don't feel good. They complain about anything and everything. People are jerks. Jerks that need Jesus. How much more of a jerk would I be if I didn't have him? I shudder to think, because it's pretty jerky around here.
I struggle to marry my mission with my job description. What would the Lord have me do? How would He have me handle the internal and external struggle to mesh the two? His command and corporate expectations. My ministry and management. All I know at this point is that God has been gracious to remind me why I am where I am.
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