Yeah, I don't feel like such a klutz. I talked to my mom tonight and last week, she fell on the tennis court and hit her head on the court. She had to have 10 staples in her head. TEN STAPLES. The woman is almost Medicare-worthy (in age only), in great shape, and has never had stitches. But she's had staples in the back of her head twice. The first time was from leaning back too far in the porch swing and hitting her head on the brick porch.

I can now live with the fact that I waited till my 30s to have weird shit happen to me.

I am sitting in the middle of the unknown. I have a broken thumb that may need surgery to heal properly, I have a job that is totally overwhelming, especially in the midst of a State Board inspection that may result in a fine for me. I have a husband who is taking a licensing exam in another state so that we can move closer to family.

The unknown is weighing heavy on my heart and threatening to drag me down. My body and mind are threatening panic attacks. I'm currently able to keep them from becoming full-blown. I hope that increasing my exercise level and breathing exercises will help. The trick is actually doing those things.

The stress waxes and wanes -- from day to day, it's not the same. Today was a better day, as I had 9 hours of sleep last night and got some things done today before I went to work. Work was even okay. One of the major deficiencies with the Board has been corrected, at least to a point that they'd find it acceptable. I'm trying to convince my employees they're not bothering me when they tell me I have a consult. 90% of them are on board. My partner? He's worried about the amount of time it takes to be a manager. I remind him that if I didn't live 5 minutes away (he lives across the street), I wouldn't be in the store on my day off. EVER.

All that to say, I just wanted love last night. Yes, I realize that is quite the non sequitur. That's how my brain works. I asked hubs to pray over me. Before I could ask for exactly what I wanted, he started. As a result, I prayed for what I didn't get to articulate to hubs. In the first place, it was scary to ask for prayer. It was scary to admit that I was not even okay. Although I certainly prefer introspection, I HAVE to put my nonstop brain out there so I can have support. (Or not -- that's always a risk!)

Instead of putting myself out there, I want to RUN. I almost called hubs today to ask him what he thought about me getting the hell out of Dodge first and living with friends while he stays here to sell the house. I seriously considered that for about 2 hours, then I realized that it would be running before it's time to go. I'm growing, y'all! I will stay as long as the Lord has me here, even though I know that our time here is short. He is faithful to remind me that He is in control, that He has my back, that He knows what I'm going through, and that He knows what He's doing. He WILL put me in situations that make me grow, either closer to Him or away from Him (the preferred result is CLOSER). As stressful as life can be, I am thankful that God allows me free will and choice. Even when I am despondent, I can CHOOSE to trust. Even when I am angry, I can CHOOSE to believe that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. Even when I doubt, I can CHOOSE to ask questions and listen for answers instead of walking away. I can CHOOSE to walk through the things that are uncomfortable and icky and squirmy instead of running or shutting down.

And so, I CHOOSE to do the hard thing. I have had plenty of experience with that, but it's still hard. I will stay put until He tells me it's time. Tells us it's time.

I've got a career in a straight-laced (strait-laced?) profession in healthcare. The day-to-day seriousness gets to all of us sometimes, and humor is absolutely necessary. It doesn't mean that we don't care -- it means that we have to have some comic relief from the reality of the fact that we could kill you if we make a mistake. I follow a Facebook page called "Excuse me! This is a PHARMACY not a fast food restaurant!" Today, there was a photo posted of a prescription sent to a pharmacy by a doctor's office that said:

"DRUNotes: if generic is used, then remind patient it is because the pharmacist is as cheap and ignorant as the insurance morons."

There are SO many things I can say about this post, but my comment was that the doctor could have written for the patient to get brand name only and the patient would have gotten brand. Generic available? We substitute unless the doctor or patient tell us otherwise. My exact comment? "Or they could write "dispense as written." It's a thing, you know. smile emoticon" Of course, the smile emoticon actually looked like a smiley face.

As of 3 & 1/2 hours after posting the snarky comment, I have 222 likes (and counting!). I'm not a social media hound, by any means, but I like to keep people laughing about real life. As Emily Sailers (of Indigo Girls fame) said in an interview once (about the song Least Complicated, which is basically a song about putting your real self out there, I think), "You have to laugh at yourself, because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't." As I look back, that one quote has defined the dynamic I keep in my workplace. We have FUN and laugh a lot. Not because our work isn't serious and important, but precisely because it IS. We need humor to get us through the day, what with the constant barrage of phone calls and e-scripts and weird questions (today's question: what kind of ephedrine is in the Bronk-Aid and Primatene tablets) and needy patients. We need levity to balance the gravity.

As for a career in a strait-laced profession, maybe there's a future for me in comedy.