A short prayer

Lord, open my heart to let you in.
Open my hands, that I may release all things into Your care.
Open my eyes, that I may see things as You see them.
Open my arms, that I may give love to those in need.

Lord, strengthen my heart, that I may use all of it.
Strengthen my hands, that I may do Your work.
Strengthen my eyes, that I may see others where they are.
Strengthen my arms, that I may help to bear others' burdens.

Lord, strengthen me from the inside out, yet keep me open.

Strong
Approachable
Real
Loving

JMF 4/10/16

Small, small world

Nope. I'm not talking about the Disney ride or the most annoying song in the whole wide world. At least once a month, my world gets smaller. Let me tell you how. I currently live in a Houston suburb.

• One of my patients grew up in my hometown. She's my parents' age, but still.
• A classmate that I graduated pharmacy school with landed in Houston. With the same company as me. With the same boss as me.
• When I got here, I found out that the woman who was my boss's assistant worked with me as a technician when I lived in Birmingham, right after I got out of school.
• A pharmacist in my district is from a "small town" outside of Macon (Warner Robins) and came to Texas because her husband is from here. That's me (not WR but Carrollton), and my mom happens to live in Macon. And that's why I'm in Houston.
• A girl came in to the pharmacy (in Houston) who had an initial system address about 15 minutes from my hometown (you know I have to ask!). My dad delivered one of her babies.
• A girl I went to high school with has in-laws in another Houston suburb.
• A guy I went to college with has parents who know the couple who comes to see us every few months for the husband's cancer check-ups at MD Anderson.
• A girl I went to college with moved back home to Houston and lives here with her husband and kiddos.
• A girl I went to college with moved here at some point with her husband and kiddos and I didn't even know until she friended me on Facebook recently. We went to a Christmas concert at her church in December and I didn't even know. Had I known, I would have told her.
• I went to college the same place as my brother-in-law. We didn't know each other until I was going to Brasil on a mission trip and we needed someone to teach us worship songs in Portuguese.
• I wasn't supposed to go to Brasil on my first mission trip. We were going to Venezuela and the military overthrew Hugo Chavez. We had to go to Brasil instead and I met hubs on that first trip. (The rest of that story is long, but the small-worldness is acknowledged by many friends!)

 We've been here 7 years (together -- he's been here 20), and I continually marvel at the way God makes connections. One of my good friends is from a small town in GA and lives in Houston by way of California. Who would think, right?

I am convinced that God puts those things together, so that the small things are that in which we find commonality. Hubby and I? We met because of a "fluke" in world events. Are all of these things flukes? I have to think no. I am thankful for all the "chance" meetings I have had and the friendships that have been cultivated as a result.

Ashes to Ashes

"By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; from dust you are and to dust you will return."  Genesis 3:19

I never went to an Ash Wednesday service growing up (mom informed me we didn't have services), so after 37 & 1/2 years on this earth, I went to one tonight. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the Lenten season in the Christian Church, and it comes the day after Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday). Mardi Gras (or Carnival) is, of course, the church's acceptance of the timing of a pagan ritual to dovetail it into a Christian tradition. As a Christian, that doesn't make Ash Wednesday any less special to me, because Ash Wednesday means that Easter Sunday is 40 days (without Sundays) away.

While Carnival is a time for feasting and celebration (sometimes excessively so), Ash Wednesday is a time for facing our own mortality. As a Christian, that is NOT the end of the story. I am mortal. I am sinful. But Jesus, son of Mary and Joseph, came to blot out my sinfulness and mortality. Blotting out my sinfulness means that I can stand before Him in the final days. Blotting out my mortality means that I will live forever.

In addition to those things, Jesus came to earth, died, and rose again to give the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is who enables me to make choices that are glorifying and pleasing to God. The Kingdom of Heaven came near when Jesus became a baby, and the Holy Spirit came when He died. It is the Holy Spirit who helps us to make choices that keep the Kingdom of Heaven here until such time as we are reunited with God. In this life, He gives us breath and new life.

We are born, and then we die. Yet Christ allows us a way to be born again, so that we may never die. While the weight of my own sin is upon me, the reality of Christ's death and resurrection are a balm to my soul.

A New-ER Life

Last summer when we got home from a weekend with my family (my baby brother got married and we stayed with my brother and sister-in-law), hubby said, "It's time." That meant time to move closer to family. We are here in Houston, over 800 miles from both sets of family (not counting the part that lives in Utah), and it's tough. Since I moved to Houston in 2009, I've been "ready" to move back to Birmingham.

In 2009, I moved to Houston knowing ONE person. I'm an introvert, but I do need more contact than just my new husband (love you babe!). Through the years I have met and made good friends here, some through work, some from hubby's college days, some from just living in my neighborhood (they're awesome), and some from hubby's years in Brasil (If you forgot, his parents were missionaries there for almost 30 years and he grew up there). I actually became content in Houston, something I never thought I'd do. I still MISS my family (Nashville and Atlanta) and friends (Birmingham) in the "real" south.

I told my boss, and while he was disappointed, he said that in my position, he'd do exactly what I'm doing. Although that was affirming, he's kind of got his head in the sand and also said that if I don't move till 2050, he'll be okay with that. Hmm. That kind of stresses me out, but I have to remind myself that it's NOT. MY. PROBLEM.

Another move is on the horizon. We are headed to look at houses soon, and we'll be putting ours up for sale not long after. I definitely have mixed emotions. Our house is our first house that we've owned, though we've lived in 3 since we got married. Our neighborhood is awesome. My employees are fantastic. I had to turn down the awesome job opportunity of opening a brand new store to do what we want to do as a family. We are making sacrifices to be near family, and I don't mind at all. I feel the sadness of the sacrifices and the excitement of what the future holds.

I will be close enough to see my nieces and nephews grow up. I will be close enough (like I was in college) to jump in the car and head over for the weekend without having to go to the airport, park, go through security, get on the flight, get my baggage, and then drive to wherever I need to go. We will be far enough away that family won't be on top of us.

Here's to new adventures!

After the craziness of the beginning of the week, we had a death in the (extended missionary) family. Over seven years ago, we headed to Fort Worth to undergo premarital counseling from a couple who had been married almost 60 years, and had been in Brasil as missionaries for 37. Jerry and Johnnie Key were more than gracious to let us into their home and their married life, so that we might learn from them and have a chance of being married as long as they were. Johnnie passed away on Tuesday night, and we were able to make it to the service on Saturday. We were blessed to be invited to the family events, both before and after the funeral.

Yeah, I don't feel like such a klutz. I talked to my mom tonight and last week, she fell on the tennis court and hit her head on the court. She had to have 10 staples in her head. TEN STAPLES. The woman is almost Medicare-worthy (in age only), in great shape, and has never had stitches. But she's had staples in the back of her head twice. The first time was from leaning back too far in the porch swing and hitting her head on the brick porch.

I can now live with the fact that I waited till my 30s to have weird shit happen to me.

I am sitting in the middle of the unknown. I have a broken thumb that may need surgery to heal properly, I have a job that is totally overwhelming, especially in the midst of a State Board inspection that may result in a fine for me. I have a husband who is taking a licensing exam in another state so that we can move closer to family.

The unknown is weighing heavy on my heart and threatening to drag me down. My body and mind are threatening panic attacks. I'm currently able to keep them from becoming full-blown. I hope that increasing my exercise level and breathing exercises will help. The trick is actually doing those things.

The stress waxes and wanes -- from day to day, it's not the same. Today was a better day, as I had 9 hours of sleep last night and got some things done today before I went to work. Work was even okay. One of the major deficiencies with the Board has been corrected, at least to a point that they'd find it acceptable. I'm trying to convince my employees they're not bothering me when they tell me I have a consult. 90% of them are on board. My partner? He's worried about the amount of time it takes to be a manager. I remind him that if I didn't live 5 minutes away (he lives across the street), I wouldn't be in the store on my day off. EVER.

All that to say, I just wanted love last night. Yes, I realize that is quite the non sequitur. That's how my brain works. I asked hubs to pray over me. Before I could ask for exactly what I wanted, he started. As a result, I prayed for what I didn't get to articulate to hubs. In the first place, it was scary to ask for prayer. It was scary to admit that I was not even okay. Although I certainly prefer introspection, I HAVE to put my nonstop brain out there so I can have support. (Or not -- that's always a risk!)

Instead of putting myself out there, I want to RUN. I almost called hubs today to ask him what he thought about me getting the hell out of Dodge first and living with friends while he stays here to sell the house. I seriously considered that for about 2 hours, then I realized that it would be running before it's time to go. I'm growing, y'all! I will stay as long as the Lord has me here, even though I know that our time here is short. He is faithful to remind me that He is in control, that He has my back, that He knows what I'm going through, and that He knows what He's doing. He WILL put me in situations that make me grow, either closer to Him or away from Him (the preferred result is CLOSER). As stressful as life can be, I am thankful that God allows me free will and choice. Even when I am despondent, I can CHOOSE to trust. Even when I am angry, I can CHOOSE to believe that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. Even when I doubt, I can CHOOSE to ask questions and listen for answers instead of walking away. I can CHOOSE to walk through the things that are uncomfortable and icky and squirmy instead of running or shutting down.

And so, I CHOOSE to do the hard thing. I have had plenty of experience with that, but it's still hard. I will stay put until He tells me it's time. Tells us it's time.

I've got a career in a straight-laced (strait-laced?) profession in healthcare. The day-to-day seriousness gets to all of us sometimes, and humor is absolutely necessary. It doesn't mean that we don't care -- it means that we have to have some comic relief from the reality of the fact that we could kill you if we make a mistake. I follow a Facebook page called "Excuse me! This is a PHARMACY not a fast food restaurant!" Today, there was a photo posted of a prescription sent to a pharmacy by a doctor's office that said:

"DRUNotes: if generic is used, then remind patient it is because the pharmacist is as cheap and ignorant as the insurance morons."

There are SO many things I can say about this post, but my comment was that the doctor could have written for the patient to get brand name only and the patient would have gotten brand. Generic available? We substitute unless the doctor or patient tell us otherwise. My exact comment? "Or they could write "dispense as written." It's a thing, you know. smile emoticon" Of course, the smile emoticon actually looked like a smiley face.

As of 3 & 1/2 hours after posting the snarky comment, I have 222 likes (and counting!). I'm not a social media hound, by any means, but I like to keep people laughing about real life. As Emily Sailers (of Indigo Girls fame) said in an interview once (about the song Least Complicated, which is basically a song about putting your real self out there, I think), "You have to laugh at yourself, because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't." As I look back, that one quote has defined the dynamic I keep in my workplace. We have FUN and laugh a lot. Not because our work isn't serious and important, but precisely because it IS. We need humor to get us through the day, what with the constant barrage of phone calls and e-scripts and weird questions (today's question: what kind of ephedrine is in the Bronk-Aid and Primatene tablets) and needy patients. We need levity to balance the gravity.

As for a career in a strait-laced profession, maybe there's a future for me in comedy.

Christmas Day

Well, Christmas was anti-climactic, as we reached a high of 84 today and I had to work. We're 21 degrees above normal average for the high, and 29 above for the normal low. It doesn't "feel" like Christmas. I didn't "feel" like Christmas at work today. What did I do? Took my laptop and my stack of Christmas movies to work and played them all day.

Point of conviction today: I really didn't want to work. The Lord was sweet to whisper to my soul, "You were put on this earth to SERVE those who don't celebrate My birth. Show them who I AM with your attitude." WOW. I couldn't really argue with that one.

We just returned from the Christmas Eve service at our church. We are a satellite campus without a building, and we usually meet in a school. As has been tradition since our campus started, our Christmas Eve service was held at Tin Hall, Texas's oldest reception hall. Upon walking into the building for the first time, I realized that it's really an old honky-tonk. (Jesus would have TOTALLY been in the honky-tonk with the folks who didn't think they were better than everyone else.) We were blessed to be a small part of the long (126-year) history of Tin Hall. It will be closing its doors for the last time on December 31.

The service, as all Christmas Eve services, included tradition -- Christmas Hymns, a childrens' presentation of the nativity, and the final carol, "Silent Night" with candles lit and lifted. As we sang, the emotion of the story got to me with the final verse of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth

Jesus was born so that I would not be a slave to death. He was born to give me birth of the Spirit (second birth). He came so that I might have a tiny part in the history of the world. For that, I am grateful, to know that I matter to someone because He made it so.

Right brain-Left brain

I have discovered that my right brain has been quelled by the fact that my husband doesn't have one. No, really. He had part of the right half of his brain removed because of a tumor. Almost 30 years ago.

I don't blame him -- not really. God was gracious to reveal to me over the events of the last couple of days (see previous post) that I quit music right before I met hubs. It's NOT HIS FAULT. He might have been a result of that. I love him to my core. I told him tonight that I could live without him, but I certainly didn't want to. I quit when I thought my voice wasn't worth being listened to anymore (AGAIN, NOT HIS FAULT). SERIOUSLY, right before I left for Brasil. I don't really want to get into that for the public right now, so I'll refrain from the full story, but I'm comforted that I didn't lose myself because I chose hubby over my right brain, or creativity.

My left brain and hubby's adapted left brain (logic) work amazingly well together, and we have exchanges that no one would ever get who didn't know us (and sometimes his family doesn't even get our exchanges). My right brain (creativity) has no counterpart in our marriage because he has none, and his left brain (logic) has adapted amazingly well. As a result, I have "settled" for the left brain logical exchanges (which are REALLY A LOT OF FUN) at the expense of the right brain creativity. I have realized that and talked it through (a little) with hubs.

By my own choice (and not knowing how to express it), I have focused on my left brain -- the math, order, logic, administrative part of my brain, and I have stressed a little at the fact that my mind can't stop thinking about the things I have to do. I can make a list, and I thrive on checking things off that list, but my mind still races. What to do to calm the mind but put order to it?

I have discovered another solution. Feel the feels, and write down the thoughts, and play the music and make the adjustments to the knitting patterns and be okay with the imperfect yarn spun from the pretty fiber. I'm a "process" person as opposed to an "execution" person, which stresses the corporate America "me" out. The real me loves it, except for the fact that the firstborn in me wants to finish the process. Or maybe I want to finish the process because of societal pressure to be "responsible." I'm not sure. But that's okay, because I know that there might be a difference. If I want to finish, I want to finish. If it's pressure from outside, I'm not sure I want to finish.

In a single word, the solution is CREATE. I have a guitar that I picked up for the first time in at least 4 years. I have yarn that I've impulsively bought (SO PRETTY!) so that I can create something with it. I have food in my freezer for 6 months that I can use for dinners and leftovers. I have yarn in bins that I can use to create things that I will never use. Before we move, I will finish the unfinished projects and donate them to a shelter, but I have become much more selective in my yarn choices. None of what I have is bad, but the LOGICAL me wins over the CREATIVE me to say that I need to buy what I will make for ME or for friends. I have 4 (soon to be 5) sweater quantities in my stash that are for ME, and ME ALONE. It soothes me to knit for me. That may seem selfish, but it's not. Those projects for me will be finished. That yarn that will not be knit for me will be a waste of money, unless I donate the project.

Hubster drove me clear across town yesterday so we could go to a sold-out concert (Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson and company) that we didn't even have tickets for because my planning abilities aren't the best. We walked in the door at will-call and begged for any extra tickets they had. They were technically sold out, but since the concert actually tells the story of the gospel, they didn't want to turn anyone away. I haven't seen the show in at least 7 years (not since I've been married) and hubster has never seen it.

I started listening to Andrew Peterson in college, when he first released Carried Along (now out of print but available on iTunes), or maybe when he started touring with Caedmon's Call (not a band anymore but still a band). His lyrics are approachable and deep at the same time, and they have resonated for me personally over the years. Take the song "Hosanna" from the album, "Resurrection Letters, Volume II". We tend to think that "Hosanna" is praises of jubilation to our Lord Jesus, but in other languages (and apparently in the original), it means  "Save us!" or "Savior!" and that is what he sings about in this song. It makes me think that we have no idea what those people in the street were begging for. I always thought that Hosanna in the highest was a phrase of praise to Christ as King, but they didn't know He was THE King. I didn't change my view until I lived in Brasil and read a Bible in Portuguese. The text says "Salvo!" which translates loosely to "Save." Christ came, and he humbled Himself to be a man. Philippians says that He didn't even view equality with God as something to be grasped. As a result, He was granted a name above every name, that every knee should bow, and every tongue confess, that Jesus is Lord. As in, He was the king that was foreshadowed in the Old Testament, who would be King of all Kings. In "Hosanna," Peterson has the verses speak of our struggles with lies and addiction and falling when we should stand. Save us from ourselves, Lord, because we are sinners. Save us from our own care, because Yours is better. Save us from the world, Lord, but do not let us ignore it, because it needs You as much as we do.

Year of Difficulty and Joy

This year has been a hard one. I've lost 30 pounds that I needed to lose, I've seen 2 nieces (one blood-related and one not) born, a brother married, a brother engaged, and I laugh as I realize that I followed the "hard year" with the good things that have happened.

It's been another year of living far away from family. It's been a year of juggling work and home and meds and emotions. It's been a year of numbness until about 2 months ago. There are things that have been hard that are in my control, and there are things that have been out of my control. I like to think I've been good about not stressing about the things that are out of my control, but I haven't been so good about changing those things that I'm in control of. Am I scared of succeeding? Am I resigned to be stagnant? Does the year look hard because I've had a hard week? Or a hard holiday season?

I'm reminding myself (especially lately) that writing is such an outlet for me. It puts thoughts into words and  helps me put things out there "into the universe." If I don't write, my thoughts stay in and stew in their own juices. Writing helps me make sense of things, or at least figure out what might be rational and what might not be. I'm trying to write a little each day, whether it be in my journal or here. Some of what gets into my journal makes it here, some not.

At the end of today, I'm thankful that I have a husband who loves me more than I know, a sturdy roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, and friends who love me if I'll only let them.

I've been listening lately to my favorite Christmas album ever. "Behold the Lamb of God" by Andrew Peterson and other artists. It's an amazing telling of the Christmas story from Creation to the birth of Christ. It includes the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and what Mary's night in the stable must have been like (probably not very silent).

The story itself moves me every time I hear it. Having been to Jerusalem and Bethlehem, the emotions I experience when I listen to the album are overwhelming, again and again. I've been "there." The place where Christ was born. The place where the shepherds saw the angel. The garden of Gethsemane. The Old City where the trial must have been held. The tomb. As they say in Jerusalem, "If it didn't happen exactly here, it was somewhere close." And that's true. Jerusalem and Bethlehem are only 5 miles apart. The wilderness (that Jesus spent 40 days in, right?) is just that. Wilderness. No trees, just grass, hills, and dirt.

God created. His creation sinned. He made a way to be made right with Himself in the Old Testament that foreshadowed the ultimate Way in the New Testament. The Israelites (His people) wandered and lived "without" Him, it seemed, for years. And then a baby came. Just like He said. One who would be the Savior of the world. God had planned this in eternity. And we as His creation are too short-sighted to see it. I am thankful today for the Holy Spirit who gives this insight. I do not know how; it is a mystery, as Paul says.

Ask, even if you don't receive

I have been reminded lately how important it is to simply (or not so simply) ask for what we need, whether it comes to pass or not.

Most days, I have no idea what I need or even want. Yesterday, I had a hard time at work. I was exhausted, on the verge of tears all day, and felt awful. I knew that I couldn't make it until close (it was my LONG day). I kept debating with myself about whether I should call the scheduler or whether I should try to make it until 9:00. At one point, my internal dialogue sounded like this:

"OMG, I can't believe I HAVE to make it until 9:00. I don't think I can, but I have to." (READ: IT'S THE ADULT THING TO DO AND IT'S YOUR JOB.)
"Ummmm, NO. Call H and see if she can find someone to cover."
"But what if she can't find someone?"

Yeah, I called her about 2:30 (after debating internally for HOURS, dang that introspection!), and the mere act of calling to make my need known was empowering. It's like telling her that I wasn't going to make it till 9 made me able to make it till 9 if she couldn't find someone. It's kind of crazy.

I was prompted to write this post not only because I'm proud of myself for stepping up to ask for something yesterday, but because almost 5 years ago, I was reminded by the Father that I could have prayed about something I was worried about. I so often ask for prayers and don't pray myself. I'd like to say it's because I'm in the middle of a crisis/panic attack/etc, but I can't say that in all honesty. I just don't come boldly to the throne of grace like I should, because I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll ask for the wrong things. Like being able to go home from work on a day that I just can't handle being an adult. But then I am blessed by God's grace of being able to do just that.

Father, You know our struggles and our inabilities. You know where we just can't. Sometimes you walk alongside us to give us strength. Sometimes you let us slide so that we can curl up in your lap and recover. Today, I am thankful for both.

Authenticity and comfort

I've been writing in my journal (who knew that journaling wasn't a real word?) a little this evening and came across the frustrating fact that most of what I do day to day feels un-authentic. Then I asked myself, what if I have equated authentic with comfortable? I am extremely uncomfortable in my job; it is WAY out of my comfort zone because I have to be organized, pay attention to detail, talk to people, deal with non-stop interruptions and stupid questions, and generally be nice. While the last one isn't such a far stretch, throw it in with all the others and it might or might not happen. There's a reason that I'm in the other room listening to "Behold the Lamb of God" (favorite Christmas album EVER) with my journal and computer even though hubby has been napping for a few hours (he works 6am-2:30pm). Being away is essential for my well-being, especially given all of the above daily job "duties."

I am uncomfortable with how much I love my husband. I am uncomfortable that salvation and grace are FREE. I am also uncomfortable that the process of refinement is uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable that I'm not good at everything I do.

"Life begins at the end of our comfort zone."  --Neale Donald Walsh

“Life begins at the edge of our comfort zone”

“Life begins at the edge of our comfort zone”

“Life begins at the edge of our comfort zone”

Well, obviously I haven't posted in awhile, and part of that is due to feeling like I didn't have anything worth posting. Today's writing is worth posting, because I decided to stop my antidepressants. I've been on them for 4 years and had a revelation this weekend. I am NUMB. I'm tired of being numb. I forgot a couple of doses while I was out of town (yes, I had them with me; I just forgot) and just didn't start back on them when I got back home. As I'm a healthcare professional, I KNOW the caveats about working with your doctor to stop, and tapering down. I did neither. I stopped cold turkey, and thankfully I was on one that doesn't have super severe side effects from stopping (can there be side effects if there is no drug?). I'm experiencing "withdrawal" symptoms, but nothing severe, and I'm finding that my impulses to do crazy (good) stuff are coming back. I read something today about always letting those close to you know that you love them, so I undressed and got in the shower with hubby. The impulse was to kiss him hard and tell him how much I love him. On the meds? That wasn't there. Over the weekend, I had a few GOOD cries, and it was nice to actually feel something again, even if negative at the time. I know the negative and positive will ebb and flow, and that's okay. I'm ready to face both, because without one (the lows), you cannot have the other (the highs). I've started reading my Bible again and am content in both the Lord and my decision. Passion doesn't come from unfeeling. It comes from deep feeling, which is scary and awesome, all at the same time.

Breaking Point

I need a break. And I don't mean vacation, from which I've just returned. I just got off a conference call with my regional manager that was a lovely way to start a day off. I'm trying to tell myself not to let it ruin my day, but Father God is using it to remind me that I'm at my breaking point. And when I get to my breaking point, I'm usually WAY past my breaking point.

It's been awhile since I've been here. Tired. Broken. Exhausted, even. On the verge of tears. Hoping against hope that I don't have to go to work. Letting every little thing get to me. Joy? Gone. Life? Sucked out. It's almost a place of despair. A black hole that has no exit.

In between writing this, I've been checking other sites, and saw this on Facebook: Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."  I needed that this morning to get out of my quagmire. I'm not out, but I certainly can say that my focus today won't be my situation. It will be breathing prayers and listening to what my Father has to say. I am absolutely at my wit's end, but He knows that. He may be silent, but I will not fret. He is near.

Jerks Need Jesus

Back after a long hiatus. Marriage will do that to you -- nothing changes, everything is the same. It's really not a bad thing, just difficult to get away. I understand what Paul meant when he said that married peoples' interests are divided in 1 Corinthians 7.
Today is post-worthy because hubby and I just got back from Brasil, where we met and fell in love. We went with the group that I first went with, that fateful year that Hugo Chavez got overthrown. A second time. They're family to us, and they consider us family too. It was fantastic to serve alongside them, and satisfying to fall right back into the role I had for so long.
The role I have here? Not so easy. I'm the manager of my particular pharmacy and have been gone for a week. What do I walk into? Chaos. What I wanted to say to one man would have cost me my job. Then came the voice. "Jennifer, these people need Jesus." I've become so jaded and so impatient with people who act like they have no sense that I've forgotten why I'm there.
People are stupid. They are rude. They come in looking for a fight. They come into my place and don't feel good. They complain about anything and everything. People are jerks. Jerks that need Jesus. How much more of a jerk would I be if I didn't have him? I shudder to think, because it's pretty jerky around here.
I struggle to marry my mission with my job description. What would the Lord have me do? How would He have me handle the internal and external struggle to mesh the two? His command and corporate expectations. My ministry and management. All I know at this point is that God has been gracious to remind me why I am where I am.

Follow Me

This crazy journey started 8 & 1/2 years ago with the words, "Follow Me." I never, ever thought that the Lord would come to me that closely. But He did. In the years following, He has felt both close and far, far away, but I know that the fact remains that He has been present. He has led me, He has challenged me, He has healed me, He has comforted me, He has shown me that He has been intimately involved in all aspects of my life.

We're already 1 & 1/2 months into 2011, and I'm doing okay. I got promoted at work because my partner quit. The administrator in me (who hasn't been very active until lately) is alive and well, trying to create some order in my store.

I've taken on the goal to read through the Bible this year using this reading plan. A friend's blog referred me to it, and it's nice because there are built-in make-up days -- there's not a reading scheduled every single day, so if you miss one, there's time to catch up! It's been really nice so far -- I've missed days and made them up during the make-up time. Built-in grace and flexibility for a plan is good.

D-man and I are headed to Atlanta next weekend for his little bro's wedding. Little bro is marrying my former roomie (in Brasil), so we'll get to see tons of people we've known for years. It should be a fun celebration.

God has been really gracious lately to simply show me that He answers our heart's cry. When we had inclement weather last week, and our vendor order was delayed because of ice, He reminded me ever so kindly, "You could have prayed about this, you know." I have no idea if it would have made a difference in the arrival of the order or not. But I could have made my need known. His word to me since September has been, "Come to Me." What I hear Him saying is, "Ask Me anything. I may not answer immediately, but please feel free to come to Me and ask Me anything. I want that intimacy with you."

Another installment in the saga....

My house is a mess. Yet again. I can blame it on Christmas, or the fact that I'm about to travel, or the fact that we're both working like crazy people (D-man got a job a couple of months ago -- yay!). But I won't. I will, however, choose to state it as fact and not as judgement. My house is a mess. Period.

I was talking to a friend the other night and we were discussing the lament of women everywhere: we don't have it all together.
That's right. I. Don't. Haveitalltogether. As hard as that is to face some days, it's a relief to see it in black and white. Fortunately (or not), being married makes me realize how true that is. My house is NOT spotless (though there's nothing growing in the refrigerator or anything), I am cranky when I haven't had enough sleep, and sometimes I still like having the house to myself. I can blame my annoyance on D-man trying to talk to me when I'm ready to go to sleep (I do the same thing to him!), yet I wonder if that isn't just the easy way out, because taking a deeper look would mean facing my own issues.
Being married really is like looking in a mirror and finding your own issues and worst parts on display. Some days. Other days it's nice to come home to someone who is fully aware that you don't have it all together and doesn't mind, because he knew that long before you did.

Update

Lots has been going on lately -- I haven't had much time to write. Or, more properly, I haven't taken any time to write. What with the emotions swirling around inside my head and heart, I don't really want to sit still long enough to give them headway. Thanks, J, for praying that I'd be more of a feeler. Now pray that I would know how to deal with emotions.

Lately:

• We went camping and to San Antonio over Labor Day Weekend. Stephen F. Austin state park (a short 40-minute drive from our house!) and the Riverwalk make for good weekend spots.
• I finally understand why the Alamo was so important, even though we lost bad (read: everybody died).
• I have gone from wanting to walk out the door of my job and never come back (several times in one day!) to finally feeling like I have a little bit of traction.
• I have one friend who is newly engaged, and am waiting on 2 more in the near future. We have at least 3 weddings to travel to next year.
• We are going to visit Big Shady's parents this weekend, and I am so looking forward to what looks to be a refreshing and healing time.

For months and months, I was stuck in John 4. The part with the woman at the well. I was there so long I fell in and couldn't get out. The Lord finally let me move to John 5 a couple of months ago, and I thought it would be really neat to start in Mark, since it's a short gospel and all. No dice. This morning when I turned to Mark, I sensed the Spirit's prompting that I still am not finished with John 5. I went from the well to the pool in a matter of seconds, yet I cannot seem to get up. I am weighed down with the cares of the world, with fear, and with responsibility.

Praises to the Giver of Life, in this world and the next!

There and Back Again

We've been in Brasil this week with a medical/construction team, and as much as I've been lazy over the past 6 months or so (I don't like to listen), God has been gracious with me, as always. I am reminded that He always wants to show us Himself, and He is always willing to talk if we are quiet long enough to listen. With the stresses of everyday life (work, keeping a home, paying bills, being married), I have a very hard time getting away long enough to be still. I could come up with a laundry list of other issues, but I won't.

I have spent the last year and a half in a city that is totally different than any culture I've ever experienced, in a job that is, frankly, hard many more days than not, and in a season of providing for the family. And I've complained. Oh, how I've complained. I have worried. I am Israel. I have seen God part the Red Sea, and I've made it to....the wilderness. My memory is shorter than it's ever been, and I have a husband who sees my complaining spirit and still doesn't complain himself. Part of me thinks that this season is to teach me how to be in the wilderness, that I need to know how to be in the wilderness without complaining, for God has brought me here and He has plans for later. For now, this is His plan. He is asking for my obedience, and my flesh keeps objecting.

Being in Brasil has been a totally surreal experience, because I've lived here, but I'm going home. I speak the language, but I'm on a team of people who don't. I realized this evening that I really did leave a life down here -- friends, a routine, an entire ministry. I walked into a life that had been established for me. Now I'm establishing a life for myself (or, rather, we're establishing a life for ourselves). We're going back to reality from a place of rest.

We're headed to Brasil this week for a mission trip. Needless to say, I'm really excited, because it's the first time the D-man and I have been back since we got hitched. He's going to be the construction foreman and I'm going to be the pharmacist. We're working at the leper hospital, in a prison, and in a church.

I have a normal week of work, and I leave Friday night. D-man leaves tomorrow night. I am so excited to see what God has in store for us.

Wow. Just, wow.

Would you do this at your pharmacy?

D-man and I are back from a long weekend in Utah. Mike & A got married this weekend, and family weddings are always fun. We stayed at the Snowbird Resort, and there's tons to do there in the summer. Alpine slide, zipline, mechanical bull, hiking, biking, heading up to the top of the mountain (where there was still snow). I would love to return in the winter, to ski and snowmobile.
The wedding was at La Caille, where a few scenes in Dumb and Dumber were filmed. It's such a beautiful place, and it houses a winery and restaurant. Peacocks, geese, swans, and ducks all grace the grounds, along with flowers, a couple of ponds, grapevines, and a golfing green. They provided canned champagne for us bridesmaids (one for each of us and the bride), complete with straws. I felt like I was drinking Capri Sun for adults.
Now that we're back, I'll post pictures soon. I'm ready for another vacation. One not involving family.

It's been awhile....

I've been completely remiss in my blogging habits lately, because I've been (gasp!) busy. Busy with work, busy with trying to hold a home and a marriage together (before you worry, D-man and I are fine), busy trying to figure out what the Lord has to teach me. And man, let me tell you, it's glorious.

Dear Mr. Man:

If you come in and expect me to wait on you when you're talking on your cell phone in a foreign language (for the record, I have no problem with the foreign language part, just the cell phone part), you can expect slower (and somewhat annoyed) service. If you pay no attention to me when I'm standing in front of you, patiently waiting on you to finish your phone call so I can ask you a question, you can expect that I'm going to be annoyed. If, after all that, you ask me about taking a competitor coupon that's expired, you're going to get a no. Do we take competitor coupons? Yes. Do we take them when they're expired? Nope. Not a chance. It doesn't matter that you ask me 3 times to ask the manager. It's against company policy. Period. No matter how many times you ask me if I'll take it, no matter how many excuses you give me for not coming yesterday before it expired, the answer is no. The other company wouldn't take their own expired coupon; why do you expect me to?

Disorganized....

A Letter

Dear Houston,
Last I heard, you were 4th on the list of most ozone-polluted cities in the United States. My lungs don't like it (you've given me bronchitis!), so please stop.
Love (with a little hate mixed in),
FairLady

Sick.

I have been, um, a little under the weather the past couple of days. I had a slight fever (99.5) on Tuesday night, and had to work a 14 yesterday. About 8:00 last night, I suddenly felt really hot all over. When I got home, my temp was 100.5. It's been as high as 100.8 today. And I worked this morning. I have a pesky cough, a little post-nasal drip, and a sore throat from the cough. I'm extremely hoarse, to the point that D-man is calling me Kermit. Yup, I sound like a frog. I think I sound like a barking tree frog, because my cough definitely has a bark to it.

Great, right? I, who am a health care professional, make a great patient. NOT. I am probably one of the worst. Should I go see a doctor? Probably. I don't have time. I rested all afternoon, made myself some chicken noodle soup (boy, was it tasty!), and am having tea with honey & lemon (no whiskey in the house) before bed. I'll be pushing the OTC meds and fluids over the next few days. Hopefully I'll get back to normal soon.

We've been super busy over the last few weeks, and my posting has suffered (as has my reading and writing) of late. I feel like life is boring, just because we have semi-regular schedules. Not much new happens. We have, however, learned several exciting things.

1. We have a Cheeburger Cheeburger in Houston. D-man doesn't yet know why this is exciting, but he will....
2. We have a Krystal in Houston. D-man gets this one, though he's only been to Krystal once.
3. I finally feel like I'm establishing a life here -- for so long it was very frustrating, but I'm settling in. A real life takes time, and I must keep remembering that.
4. God is good, and faithful, and He is sweet to remind me of that daily.
5. D-man still has a huge hole in his brain, but no new growth (he gets yearly MRIs to check that he's still in remission from his brain tumor).

Happy birthday to D-man! He's *@ today!
And to this cultural icon, who is 50.

Just plain batty

After a LONG 14-hour day yesterday and coming home to an empty house, I worked 6 hours today. All of a sudden this morning I heard a commotion right outside the pharmacy at the door to the break room. We had a bat in the store, and the staff managed to get it trapped in the break room. The corporate help desk laughed at the girl who called it in -- not a stellar day for our help desk. I'm not sure who they called to come get the bat, but the time estimate was 1 to 4 hours. With no bathroom, since the break room is the bathroom hallway. We had technicians going across the street to pee. One of the more, um, unwise staff put on gloves and picked up the bat and carried it out of the store. I mean, hello! Rabies!

Oh. My. Word.

I started at my new store today and all I can say is oh my word. We were extremely busy today, like, busier than I've been in any of the 26 stores in the area that I've worked at so far. When I left at 6:00, we had done 450 prescriptions. We open at 8. Needless to say, my neck and my feet hurt. I don't know what the bathroom in the store looks like yet. As in, I didn't ever get a chance to go. I hope tomorrow will be better. After all, this was the worst day ever to start at a new store, being the Monday after 2 holidays and the first Monday of the year.

Recreational use only?

A couple came into the pharmacy today from another city and the man asked if we could call his pharmacy at home and transfer his "recreational drug" (his words, not mine). Being a product of the 1980's, several recreational (and altogether illegal) drugs crossed my mind -- cocaine, marijuana, meth. He must have registered the confusion on my face, because he soon clarified. "Cialis." The stuff of commercials during male-dominated sporting events.

Please. I will be glad to fill your Cialis (or Viagra, or Levitra), but please don't try to make me think about how you use it. I don't want to know about your sex life. Please.

Random happenings

It's almost Christmas, and it's been quite awhile since I posted. We went out of town for Thanksgiving, and I've been working tons. Here's a run-down of the last month:

• Lunch with a great friend at Cracker Barrel before Thanksgiving -- we stayed for 4 hours! (Since she lived in Europe and we lived in Brasil, this was completely normal for us, but not for the waitress!)
• Thanksgiving with my crazy family
• Georgia beat Georgia Tech
• D-man and I have been decorating for Christmas -- I made stockings, we put up and decorated the tree, and we bought one another's Christmas presents. I'm getting these.
• I am officially full-time at work as of yesterday. That means vacation, holiday pay, and guaranteed hours. A permanent store is coming soon, I hope!
• One of my pharmacy classmates is here in Houston, working for my company, working in my district. Yay for a little bit of home!
• D-man's parents are coming in on Thursday
• D-man graduates from U of H on Friday
• I got my first bottle of corked wine today. I thought it was bad because I have a slight cold, but it was just bland. Ecch.

According to this article, it's apparently a good thing we didn't actually get married in Texas. Now that would be embarrassing.

Cultural differences

Tonight while at work, I had my first Brasilian patient. A mom came to ask me a question about her son's medicine. It was an antibiotic suspension that we mix in the pharmacy before the patient goes home. She brought it back to ask if it was okay that it was open. During this exchange, I could tell that she wasn't from the US because of her accent. She asked me, "Is this antibiótico?" and I immediately asked where she was from, because I recognized the word and the way she said it. Turns out she is from Salvador and her husband is from Rio. I told her I had lived in Brasil, and we continued the rest of the interchange in Portuguese. So fun!

My cultural brain fart for the day: I later realized why she looked at me like I was nuts when I told her we mixed the antibiotic at the pharmacy. In Brasil, the antibiotic comes in a box with 2 bottles: 1 with the powder for reconstitution and the other with the water for reconstitution. The patients mix it at home. Wish I'd remembered that while she was still in the store!

Excitement at the alma mater

This happened at the old Sam U yesterday. I can't believe I missed gunfire (even if it was just at a tire). My days there weren't nearly that exciting. Even with Big Shady around.

30 Years of Big Shady

After working 44 hours in 4 days (Sunday-Wednesday), I'm headed out of town. I've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. I get to celebrate 30 years of Big Shady -- her birthday is next month! We're converging on her sister's house -- "we" includes me, her mom, her 3 sisters, her, and her roommate.

I am so excited about a girls' weekend that in no way involves work.

Stealth Operations

The scheduler called me yesterday to see if I'd be interested in switching stores for today's shift. Hmmm. I said yes, because I'm a generally agreeable person. They couldn't tell me at first what store I was going to (apparently they'd've had to shoot me). It was totally mafia in nature, complete with me meeting the pharmacy supervisor and district manager in the parking lot of said store this morning and hovering around until they pulled the pharmacist out (I was to oversee bench operations "while they were having their meeting").
Of course, I ended up staying for the full shift, because the pharmacist was terminated. Fired. I haven't yet figured out how pharmacists get fired, because we're so in demand. However, being in demand doesn't mean I can do a crappy job. I still want to do my job and do it well. Apparently I am doing a decent job, because this particular supervisor is impressed with me (for whatever reason) and the store manager told me today that I was a breath of fresh air in their store. I am glad it's not in my district -- it's a hard store to work, since there aren't enough people to work and stay caught up.

Local Celebrity Week

As I've been floating around to different stores, I have seen 2 local celebrities this week. When the first one came in, I thought, wait, that's Mr. Cowboy! I was amazed that I was looking at the guy I see in commercials on TV. The second guy came in tonight, and I knew his name, but it didn't register at all. The front store clerk came back and told us who he was, and I realized that D-man has mentioned his name before in passing, saying that we needed to shop at his store.

I love local celebrities that are really nice!

Most people who come in to buy Sudafed manage to do it with out incident or comment. Today's exchange was a little different:
Exchange #1
Technician: "I need to see your driver's license."
Customer: "Oh, I don't have it."
Tech: "Well, I can't sell it to you without your license."
Customer: "Well, I come in here all the time."
Tech: "I still need your license."
Exchange #2 (same customer, after he's gone to get his license)
Technician: "Driver's license, please."
Customer: "What, do you think I'm going to make a batch with one little box?"
Tech: "I need to see your license."
Me: "The DEA requires us to do that."
Customer: "Yeah, I know."

WHY, oh, WHY do you try to make snide comments and bait us when you know what the law says?

Today was the day for morning-after pills. I had no less than 4 people come in to request them. Of course, I have to do the whole "I need to see your driver's license" thing, because it's prescription-only for girls under 17.
I don't necessarily agree with the availability of the morning-after pill, but I don't feel that it's my place to make moral judgements on people who decide they need it. It's my job to sell medicine.

Girl #1: came in to buy it without incident, and 10 minutes later, brought it back. She looked pretty distressed.

Girl #2: came in with her mom, and the conversation went a little like this:
Me: "May I help you?"
Mom: "YES."
Me: "What can I get for you?"
Mom: "MORNING AFTER PILL."
Me: "Okay." (I go and get the pill, thinking this entire time that if the mom was trying to embarrass her daughter out of having sex with her boyfriend by yelling what she needed to everyone in the store, she was going about it the entirely wrong way -- girl was already embarrassed, and I think that rebellion will probably follow a mom who is such a b****.)

Girl #3: without incident

Girl Boy #4: (I came in on the end of this exchange)
Technician: "We need her to come in."
Boy: "Oh, she's at home. We had a little accident last night." (Really? Did she break her leg and can't walk?)
Tech: "Well, we have to make sure she's over 17, so we need to see HER driver's license."
Boy: "Okay." (I keep thinking that the fact that we can sell this med to guys is a really bad idea, since it's rx only for under-17s. I really would like to know if the creepy college guy is buying it for his 16 year old girlfriend, since it's illegal.)

I hate the FLU.

I don't have it, but everyone else seems to. Tamiflu suspension is not available, so we're having to compound it. It takes a minimum of 15 minutes per prescription from typing to compounding to labeling to checking.

Someone at Roche decided that the CDC wasn't serious about the epi-pan-demic of the flu back in May, so they aren't making Tamiflu suspension at the rate we need it, or maybe they're not making it at all. Flu season has started earlier than normal, and we're running around like crazy people in the retail factory.

I'm kind of glad I can't give flu shots. I feel like that's all I would be doing.

Favorite comment of the day

"I was trying to call in a refill, but I don't have any way to punch the 'C' into the phone."

Love & Coffee

I got a package in the mail yesterday from my friend Corrie. She and I share a passion for Brasilian coffee, and another friend of hers sells fair trade organic coffee called Brazilian Love (from a company called Crown Coffee. My package contained a bag of this coffee, and under the bag is the funnest t-shirt ever. It says:

Make Brazilian Love.

Without the coffee, it's just a dirty t-shirt. I love it.

I. Love. My. Job.

I started working a few weeks ago, and though my job is stressful (what with sick patients and emergency calls to open stores an hour late), I am really enjoying it. God has been gracious to remind me over the past few days that what I am doing is a ministry. It's not really all that religious in nature, but it's service, in more ways than one.

It also pays the bills.

It has begun.

Though the dawgs had an abysmal start on Saturday (who schedules a season opener against the #9 team anyway?), I still love college football. My mom just sent me this, and it warms my heart. This IS college football:

It is people believing that their coach can walk on water. And it is those same people firing a coach who wins ten times a year because of the one team he can't beat.

It is brides and grooms sitting down with a calendar and a schedule so they don't mess up and plan their wedding on the same day as the "big game"-and it's the bridesmaids and groomsmen and fathers of the bride understanding that they are all big.

If you know anything about college football, please read the rest here.

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho

It's off to work I go! I am officially in the system (I was able to log on to the employee website this morning), and go in for training today and tomorrow. Next week may hold more training in my future, and I'm totally okay with that. I've been out for 3 years, and Texas is a big ol' mystery.

Recycle, people!

I will be the first to say that I've been slow to get into the whole "green" craze, but in trying to save a little money, I've picked up one recycling trend. PaperBack Swap (www.paperbackswap.com) is a great little find (okay, so Al joined 2 years ago and I just remembered about it). I get to clear off my bookshelf and bring in new books that I've been wanting to read but not really buy. It's kind of like the library, but the book comes right to your house! (Yes, you have to pay Media Mail rates to send books, but it's still cheaper than buying lots of books, even used! And I still have leftover wedding postage that's not enough to send a first-class letter.)

If you want to sign up, put my username (sabrina78) in the referral field, and I'll get credit for referring you! Read some and save a little (a LOT) of money in the meantime!

Oh. My. Word.

I have never, ever made risotto before tonight, but the Pioneer Woman posted this recipe yesterday. I didn't really think much about it until today, and then it started sounding really yummy. I started craving it and made my trip to the grocery store a couple of days early so we could have this risotto tonight. With crumby (not crummy) chicken. And roasted asparagus.

Goat cheese is tasty. And melty. And cheesy. Mmmmmm.

Now we are craving chocolate for dessert.

A day in the life of a checkbook

When it comes to money, D-man and I come from extremely different backgrounds. He has lots more experience than I do with Father God providing for his needs even up to the last minute. I tend to stress out about money these days because, well, I feel like (please see the "FEEL LIKE") we don't have any. That's not a reflection on D-man as "worse than an unbeliever" -- he provides and allows the Lord to provide in weird, amazing ways that I am not used to, and that are not, um, always as regular as would make me comfortable. We are blessed to have been in a season up until now that he's been a student and we have had the luxury of my not having to work.

Sometimes, when I am trying to save money and cut coupons and be diligent about being a good steward, I tend to feel like we have less than we actually do. I am extremely forward-thinking about what bills need to be paid, but not necessarily about what money will come in. I have seen God's amazing provision in the last 7 months of marriage that I hope will continue far into our elderly years. I realize that at some point, that involves me letting go of some of the security that having a little extra money offers, but it also promises to strip my character to its bare bones and my relationship with Christ to total dependence upon Him in an area that I haven't ever had to worry about. I'm looking forward to it.

My new favorite phrase

WICKEDLY FURIOUS. That's the phrase a friend came up with while trying to tell me how mad she was at her ex. No, she's not from Boston (that would be "wicked furious"). I can't say that I've ever been wickedly furious at anyone; I wonder what it feels like....

See my pretty loaves of French bread that I made yesterday? I think I've finally gotten the hang of it. The bread, I mean. Living in Houston means that I don't use as much flour as is called for in bread recipes, sometimes up to 1 1/2 cups less! We had some really dry, heavy loaves before I figured that out. D-man (and other almost-family) was gracious enough to eat the bread without complaining.

I am almost ready to post pictures of the house -- the only problem is that we've lost my camera's USB cord. D-man took this picture of the bread with his camera, and he was thoughtful enough to get the cookbook picture in the background, so you can see that my bread looked like it was supposed to! Pictures of the house to come soon.

My new favorite place

I have been searching (the web) lately for used bookstores in this area, and I have found a gem. It's 3 1/4 miles from our house, and it's a delightful place to go and browse. I didn't make it all the way through (though it's not very big -- just a converted house), but I already have a list a mile long of things I want to buy from them! They have lots of hardbacks and older editions (including several 1st editions of several Pulitzer novels), and the owner is really friendly.

The Place: Becker's Books (their website is down for maintenance, but I will update if it comes back up soon)
The Inventory: Shelves upon shelves of well-organized books (though I found a John Updike novel on the floor in a stack near the L's -- delightfully disorganized, but not so much as to make you crazy!)
The Locale: Houston, TX

Job search update

I GOT A JOB! I'll be working part-time for my old standby, and I got the offer letter in the mail today. Tomorrow is going to be taken up with sitting in the LabCorp waiting room waiting to pee, and waiting in line at the post office to mail my acceptance to the people up north.

Oh, my word, I am excited!

The Pioneer Woman has a fabulous website with photos, recipes, and anecdotes from life on a cattle ranch in the middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma. She has recently put together a new site called Tasty Kitchen. The idea for the site came out of one of her giveaways (she does them often) where she asked for readers' favorite recipes. The result is a recipe community. Not necessarily a new idea, but a community of people who definitely have similar senses of humor if they enjoy PW. The site has just gotten up and running, and PW is still working out the kinks. It promises to be a lot of fun, and I'm hoping to make some internet friends.

Check it out!

Job search update #3

I applied for 5 more positions yesterday, and I got a call from company #1 -- one I have worked for before. I have a follow-up interview on Friday with the guy who would be my boss if I get hired! It's part-time, but I'm enticed by the flexibility. And the opportunity to work in many different stores. And the knowledge that the holidays are generally not days I'd have to work.

I am looking forward to the opportunity to work in the pharmacy world again!

More home-improvement

The in-laws are coming in next week, and they're staying with us. It's given me excellent motivation to finish our home-improvement projects by next week. Today's project is painting. I had to put texture on our walls and paint over it. It's almost done, thank goodness! Tomorrow's project may involve sealing our kitchen cabinets -- we stained them without thinking about the fact that the stain is water-based. Not good for a kitchen. Polyurethane is definitely necessary. D-man and his dad will probably take on the project of putting the pulls on the kitchen cabinets and drawers next week -- they are all about precision, and I don't have the patience for it!

It is currently raining for the second time in the last two months, and I am enjoying it immensely. I was going to run this morning, but the rain precluded that. The temperature is finally nice enough for me to open the windows and turn off the A/C. There is a cloud sitting over Houston, and we're set to have scattered showers today -- we've had about 4 since 7:30 this morning!

I'm looking forward to the rest of the day -- 95 degrees is the official high, but I have a feeling it won't get anywhere near that.

Best. Chocolate. Ice cream. Ever.

Since D-man has been on my case to get the ice cream maker out of the shed since we moved it in there, we decided that yesterday would be a perfect day to make ice cream. Both our moms made it when we were growing up, but neither of us had much to do with the process.

I found a recipe for chocolate ice cream in The Joy of Cooking, and though it is fairly complicated for a hot summer day (I had to stand over the hot stove stirring the custard mixture constantly for about 30 minutes), it produced the best, creamiest, chocolatiest chocolate ice cream I've ever had. It tasted like brownie batter. I'm not sure that any attempts on my part will do justice to the yumminess of the ice cream, so all I'll do is recommend it to anyone who's willing to put in the work!

A pharmacist's thoughts

My first thoughts along these lines in awhile....

An FDA advisory committee just recommended that the maximum daily dose of over-the-counter acetaminophen (Tylenol, APAP, paracetamol) be reduced from 4 grams (8 extra-strength tablets) per day because of potential liver damage in doses greater than 4 grams/day. They also voted to limit the maximum single dose to 650 mg (the previous single dose limit was 1000 mg, or 2 extra-strength tablets), or 2 regular-strength tablets.

I must say that I agree with it in principle; I don't really like acetaminophen all that much for pain relief anyway. As a pharmacist, I see patients struggle to make sense of the medications they are using, including trying to combine their OTC drugs with their Rx drugs, making sure nothing overlaps or interacts. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR. There is also a prevailing thought in our society of excess that more is better. NOT TRUE. More isn't better, and it can cause permanent damage. A double dose of Nyquil, for example, though bound to dope you up for much longer than a single dose, is not going to make you feel better faster. Those doses and instructions are on the label for a reason. Follow them, and don't take extra. Period. If the medicine isn't helping, consider that something else might help -- a diet change, a lifestyle change, more (or less) exercise -- anything but more medicine. I know: coming from a pharmacist, that's rich advice. Remember, though, that I went to school and learned about what those meds do to the body. I don't use them (except for occasionally), and I'm going to do my dead-level best to make sure I don't have to ever use them chronically.

In the meantime, the FDA has a handy guide to acetaminophen on their website here. Read it, and if you don't understand something, ask your doctor or pharmacist. They can have a conversation with you. The internet can't.

Update 2: the job search

Interview #1 went reasonably well, I think, and I'm excited about the possibility of a part-time job. Interview #2 has been cancelled, due to the fact that they filled the position before I got to interview. That doesn't mean that company is out of the question, it just means that for now, they don't have anything for me.

I am disappointed, because the cancelled interview would have been for a full-time job, with full benefits. I would love an offer from my interview the other day; I love the flexibility of part-time (I get to make my own schedule!) and experiencing different stores. I know that the Lord knows my heart, and that He has our job opportunities and our finances in His hands. That fact brings my anxiety down to a level I can handle.

A very nice gesture

While we were staying with Papa Funk, and our house was getting coated in a thick layer of sheetrock dust, my guitar (a Martin DM dreadnought, which apparently was discontinued this year) sat forgotten, rescued only from its wet case.

In order to avoid permanent damage, Papa Funk captured my guitar and took it to Great Southern Music, and had them give the guitar a thorough cleaning (including the pickup), new strings, and make sure that the wood wasn't damaged or warped by the water. Before he left for India, he gave me the claim check and told me about it. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I went to pick it up today, and the store reminds me a little of Fretted Instruments, my guitar shop in Birmingham, though without the couches.

I walked in to pick up my guitar and walked out with my guitar, a new case, and a pick. The old case was ruined in the flood, as it was made of pressed board. In addition to taking on water, it was the world's heaviest guitar case. It came with the guitar when I bought it 9 years ago, and I got really tired of lugging it through airports (Amazon.com lists the shipping weight at 40 pounds!). The new case, by my best estimate, weighs about 10 pounds.

As Papa Funk paid for the repairs/cleaning, I didn't stress too much about spending money on a guitar case -- especially one that won't take on water unless the water is high!

Update: the job search

I have 2 job interviews in the next 2 weeks -- one for a part-time position, and one for a full-time position. Both are in retail pharmacies. As much as I would love the flexibility of the PT position, the FT position has much more to offer, including day-1 benefits. Both positions would involved "floating," or working out of more than 1 pharmacy, and not having my own store. I love the idea of being effective support staff to other pharmacists; after all, it's what I did in Brazil!

Interview #1 (PT) is Wednesday, July 1 at 1 pm, and interview #2 (FT) is Friday, July 10 at 1 pm. If you want to know who they're with, leave me a comment or call me. :-)

Reading and book deals!

No, I'm not writing a book.

Barnes & Noble currently has a buy 2, get 1 free promo going with their B&N Classics (selected titles through July 6, with the standard "free book must be of equal or lesser value...."). I got a $15 gift card from Big Shady for my birthday, and I promptly (the next day) went shopping! I searched and searched and finally decided on (drum roll please.....) A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens), The Woman in White (Collins), and The Secret Garden (Burnett). The first two are on this list, which I'm trying to make progress on (you can track my progress here), and the third is one I loved as a kid, and want to read again. I also bought The Yearling (Rawlings), which is on my list of Pulitzer prize-winning novels. All told, after I spent all $15 of the gift card, I paid $5.34 for FOUR BOOKS! That's just as good as going to Goodwill and finding good reads.

HOT

Apparently we have an advisory for extreme heat until 7 PM tomorrow night here in Houston. The heat index has topped 105 (at 108!) and is expected to fall below that (as a high) only tomorrow evening. It's 5:30 and still feels like 103. The actual temp is 97. I must say that I'm glad the humidity level is only 39%. That makes it a little more bearable. Inside, we're running the fans and trying not to max out the A/C. It's thundering outside, and I must say that I would love a little rain, even if it's a 10-minute shower. It hasn't rained but twice since the flood, and the heat is attacking in full force. I am not looking forward to August....

I am beginning to realize that my life as a married woman is boring. I don't mean that in a bad sense, but in a sense that there is so much that passes between D-man and me that is just meant for the two of us. Or that other people wouldn't particularly care about.

Also, I have to admit that I am either a perfectionist or my own worst critic (or both). As a result, my writing isn't getting a lot of attention these days -- not even the introspective kind. Life now involves regularly interacting with at least one other person, and that means that introspection doesn't get a lot of time. Stress and epiphanies come and go without any motivation to put them on paper. The desire not to be interrupted if I happen to be in the middle of a great writing session trumps the desire to write. And so, I don't. Hopefully more inspiration will come soon!

You might be a redneck if....

you, your husband, and your brother-in-law (who was staying with us till last night) hop in the truck and drive after 5 fire trucks and 2 ambulances to see what's going on.

Last night, we were all outside talking (and working on Papa Funk's car) when we heard sirens. The sirens are a normal occurrence in our neighborhood, but these were coming towards us. As we looked for and found smoke, we parked and walked up to the crowd of curious people who had gathered in front of the burning house. The fire, apparently, was electrical in nature (the dryer caught on fire). Just an interesting night with the family in H-town!

Exciting news

THE KITCHEN CABINETS ARE FINISHED!
THE MICROWAVE/HOOD VENT HAS BEEN PUT IN!

I am so, so excited, because our house is looking like it's getting back to normal. The tools are making their way back to the garage, and the dishes and food are making their way back into the cabinets. We still have lots of little chores to do, but they don't seem nearly as large as getting the cabinets taken care of -- the pantry cabinet was the last to go in, and it holds our dinner plates, as they're too big to go in a normal 12" wall cabinet. They are back. The food is back. I'm getting the other cabinets organized accordingly. We can get rid of the piles of stuff sitting around. Now for the backyard....and the garage....

Flood

Nope, not our house. This time, it's the market for pharmacists. Apparently, I live in a city with two pharmacy schools. Everyone just graduated. And everyone wants to stay in Houston. I'm not sure why; it's a popular place for hurricanes, I hear.

The resumé has already gone out to a few chains, and will go out to a few hospitals today. I am so ready to start working. Pray that I will find a job, and quickly!

31

It's just a number. And a fun one, at that!

It's official!

I am a licensed Texas pharmacist! I got a letter from TSBP (Texas State Board of Pharmacy) today and went weak at the knees when I saw the return address. Open now or wait till D-man gets home? I opened it, and the top fold of the letter had my name on it, of course, and the telltale line RE: LICENSE NUMBER *****. Of course, they wouldn't reference a license number that I didn't have, so I kept opening the letter in anticipation. I passed with an 80! 75 is a passing score, and it's not a percentage. I don't know how they score it, so don't ask. I'm just glad that stress is over. Now on to the easy part -- job-hunting! (Yes, I know we're in a recession. I also know that sickness doesn't care. People are sick whether our economy is good or bad. That gives people like me job security.)

Back at home

D-man and I moved back in on Saturday, and we are so glad to be home. I have resumed cooking, and yesterday's lucky winners were BBQ brisket (braised in the oven in my Le Creuset dutch oven) and Texas sheet cake (known as brownies in my mom's house). Both were quite yummy!

Is this seat saved?

Today, cousin J graduated from high school, and her graduation started promptly at 1:00. Due to the hour, D-man and I decided to leave church around noon to get there with plenty of time to park and find the rest of the family. We usually sit on the second row (behind the empty first row that Baptists apparently have an aversion to using), and today we sat 3 rows from the back. Every person that passed us made some comment about us usually sitting way down front. I'm not lying. Every single one. Those little old ladies notice everything!

To make up for our sudden heathen-like tendencies, D-man made sure he told people we brought extra Bibles so we could sit farther back. Obviously, the farther back you sit, the more Bibles you need to be holy.

At any rate, it's good to know that people that we don't know all that well at church recognize us, even if only by where we sit.

Sink update

Since we moved it over a little bit, the pipes don't actually fit with the sink anymore. So, we're having a plumber come out tomorrow to set the sink and hook up the garbage disposal and dishwasher.

In other news: I took my test today, and I am glad it's over, though I have no idea how I did. I started cleaning the front bedroom today. Tomorrow is dedicated to finishing that up (maybe). Saturday night is dedicated to Mexican food at home with homemade margaritas. Mmmm!

SINK

D-man got the sink put back in the kitchen last night. There is sawdust everywhere. The appliances are back in, except the refrigerator.

We had to buy a new kitchen sink. The old faucet had rusted enough to be corroded, and the new sink is shiny and pretty and deeper than our last one. That means not as much splashing myself when I wash dishes. It's set, but needs to be clamped down. The pipes might need to be moved. I don't know, but I won't worry about it until this afternoon (Thursday), when I can rest easy that my exam is OVER. More updates to come.

Eckeltricity

Today's project was small, but very important. Since we're adding counter space, the refrigerator is going to be moved down a little. That means the plug had to be moved over to the next stud. That involved turning off the breaker, taking apart the plug, D-man climbing up into the attic, drilling into a stud, moving the wiring over, threading it down the wall, putting the box in the new hole in the sheetrock, attaching the box to the stud, reconnecting the wiring, and turning the breaker back on. Once we get the kitchen cabinets screwed into the wall, we can put the refrigerator back in place. That's one step closer to having a fully functional kitchen.

I put sheets back on our bed today, and I hung the shower curtain back up. There is at least some semblance of home in our bedroom and bathroom. Enough to move back in without cleaning everything else first. All that cleaning will wait until I finish my exam on Thursday.

Kitchen Cabinets.

We have them. The bottom ones are in place (but not nailed in), and the top ones are sitting in Papa Funk's garage waiting to be stained. Countertops are next (probably before the top cabinets), and when they're in, we can move back in. Yay!

D-man is over at our house today finishing up the kitchen floor. I am here at Papa Funk's house studying. (For real this time)

My pharmacy law exam is in less than one week, and I have been doing some practice questions. Let me just say, it's bad business. I forgot how much information there was to learn (even after reading the 575-page book), and how much people like me loathe the law. Not following it, just studying and memorizing it. I have a lot more to review before I'll feel like I'm ready.

I finished sanding today (thank the Lord! The dust gives me allergies and massive headaches) while D-man finished cutting the kitchen floor. He sent me "home" to study and he's installing the floor tonight so it can start curing. My other amazing feat for the day is getting the bathroom and our room back to normal -- swept 50 times, mopped, and furniture in the right places. There is definitely still some dusting to do....

Tomorrow is for priming and texturing the sanded places, so that we can get to paint soon (though we can do that after we move back in). I am guessing that kitchen cabinets will at least start going in on Saturday, and that really means we can move back in. Of course, we can't move back in until we have at least a kitchen sink (and a few cabinets). That day is coming soon.

PROGRESS

I haven't posted much about the remodeling process, mostly because I've been so over it. D-man has been working like a madman, and it's been slow going, because sheetrock takes forever. First, there's the floating. Then, there's the taping and compounding. Then, there's 24 hours between compounding and sanding so the compound can dry properly. Then, there's the extra coats of compound, making sure that there are no cracks. We're on the final sanding, priming, and texturing.

The kitchen floor had to come up, and glue has to be scraped. The new kitchen floor is going down soon, and the kitchen cabinets are next (with more counter space than we had). Cleaning up is first thing after the sheetrock -- that dust is killer!

I forgot

In addition to having no kitchen, I have no car. It's currently in the shop getting dried out and cleaned and diagnosed, which will take approximately 6 more days. In place of the nice, pretty Camry, I have an old (read: almost 20 years) Dodge Caravan that belongs to D-man's parents. It has no air. The check engine light is constantly on. One window is tinted. Only one. It has 170,000 miles on it. The gears don't match the dash (i.e., when it's in reverse, the little line isn't on the R). These are definitely days to be grateful for the car that gets me where I need to go!

I have no kitchen. I mean, the refrigerator is still plugged in and working, but the other appliances are in the garage. I tried to help D-man move the stove out there and gave up after about 2 seconds to avoid throwing out my back. There is no kitchen floor. Wish we had left it in, because the smell is painful. Home Depot and Lowe's are definite stops today, because all we can do right now is let things dry a little more. And pick out kitchen cabinets and a kitchen floor. My hands smell like a combination of pigskin gloves (without the swine flu) and sheetrock. My eyes are itchy. My nose is dry. My house is dusty. The A/C isn't working as well as it should, because we have holes in our walls. Without insulation. I fear next month's power bill.

Remodeling a house during your first year of marriage wouldn't be something I'd recommend, but we're handling it pretty well. Of course, there wasn't a choice -- well, the choice was stinky flood house or dry house. We picked dry house and all the adventures that come along with it.

Help!

My kitchen cabinets are being ripped out. The one exciting thing about that is that I get to design our new kitchen with a little more counter and cabinet space. I had a moment of trauma when D-man started cleaning out the drawers -- it's one thing to decide you want to remodel; it's quite another to have it decided for you by a natural disaster.

Clean-up has begun!

As I type, D-man is cutting sheetrock and pulling out insulation, which is still soaking wet in some places. It is quite stinky, so I'm glad we're replacing it. I am in charge of the paperwork (and eventually, cleaning), except what his mom or dad has to fill out and sign. We're living in a house that was D-man's great-grandmother's, and it's been in the family since it was built in the 50's. It's cute, and a perfect first house (even though it's not technically ours). 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a livingroomflowingintoadiningareaflowingintothekitchen, a garage.

Next project is the kitchen cabinets. We're going to try and replace them, so I get to design my very own kitchen (within the limits of a 96" x 160" space on two walls, one of which holds a door to the outside)! I'm looking forward to increasing my counter space and pantry space. Any kitchen amenities that you can't live without? I'd love to know!

Flood, 3 days later

We are still in the process of drying out, but the insurance adjusters for our cars and our house have been out to inspect. My Camry (bought brand new in December -- uggh!) is first on the car list, as the water surrounding it was 23 inches deep and 10 inches above the bottom of the door. There was actual standing water in the floorboards. It's drivable (and almost dry!), but I'm sure we'll find some electrical issues before it's all over.

We have begun the process of writing down things that need to be replaced and/or cleaned, and throwing them away. We went to the dump yesterday and will go several more times in the near future. We're currently staying with Papa Funk (D-man's little brother, who lives 5 minutes away) and working here during the day.

I realize that those of you who haven't ever lived in a low-lying area will have a hard time visualizing the depth of the water, so here are a few pictures.


The backyard

Inside the house (you can see the depth of the water on my legs -- this was NOT the highest point).

Flood, Part 1

D-man and I awoke at 5:15 this morning to 2 inches of water in our house. Luckily, we have tile throughout the house and 4-inch tile baseboards. Right? Not today! Over the next hour-and-a-half, the water rose to 8 inches (mid-shin level, seriously!) and it was pouring in the back door and in the door from the garage at one point. Both were closed.

I had standing water in my car. Both our front yard and back yard were under water. The water was waist-deep in the street.

The waters have receded (fairly quickly, I might add, though I'm not used to floods, so this may be normal) and we're drying out. Pictures to come.

Over the last week, we've had an eventful time. D-man's mom came into town this weekend to take care of a little business, and we went to the warehouse where their crate stuff is stored (the stuff they crated to bring back to the US from Brasil). Included in that crate stuff was my china cabinet (made from the wood of a demolished farmhouse), my tea set (which we managed to find half of), and my marble-top table with palm leaves inlaid on top. The cabinet is in the house, and the table is waiting for a place. I'm not sure where it's going yet.

I started my running again today, and I feel surprisingly good. I have been fighting a headache all weekend, and I thought it may not be helped by running (as opposed to walking), but there is currently no relapse in sight.

Interval Training, Interval

I have been on a sort of hiatus from training for the past week, due to knee pain, which is apparently very common for beginning runners. It started last Saturday and kept getting worse, even after I decided to take a few days off on Monday. Then I figured out that the knee pain wasn't only from running. It was from really being sick. (Oh, the joy of being married -- sharing everything -- yes, everything) I've had a cold, complete with body aches, that was graciously given to me by D-man as he was trying to get rid of it himself. After a few days of sick-infested bedding and torrential rain here in Houston (praise God our house didn't flood), I am feeling somewhat closer to my normal state. Not 100%, but close enough to get on the bike today and think about running again soon.

Pulitzer 2009

The Pulitzer prize winners will be announced today at 3 p.m., EDT. Update on the winner for fiction/novel to come.

Update:
The winner has been announced. This year it's Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout. On the list it goes!

Abundant blessings

D-man and I spent the weekend in Louisiana with Big Shady and her family, and I was completely blessed and refreshed. I hadn't been there in 3 1/2 years, and I had forgotten what a retreat it is to be there. Her parents are amazing people, and I love being around them. Her nephews are the cutest little guys ever, and they had much fun playing with Mr. D-man. Complete with flipping the canoe. Twice. Once with the boys in it, and once with the dog.

It is amazing what a weekend away from home, as restful as home is, will do for your soul. I was blessed to see Big Shady and participate in her family's version of the Passover dinner, celebrating God's specific provision for their family at this time of year, every year. I was blessed, as always, to hear her dad preach, and to worship in ways that I often don't feel comfortable with elsewhere. I was blessed to make Big Shady laugh with a comment that wasn't necessarily meant to be funny. I was blessed to watch Mr. D-man play with Big Shady's nephews and know that he is going to be a wonderful father someday, as he is being a wonderful husband in the here and now. I have prayed that we would have eyes to see God's specific provision for our needs (sometimes it's only a matter of perspective!), so that we may celebrate it. May He be faithful, as He always is, to answer.

Recent Headlines

A current headline on weather.com: "Western storminess leads to severe storms"

Interval Training, Week 2

I started week 2's workouts today, and I was really excited about the difference I felt in the running portions of the intervals. I was able to run a little longer without looking at my watch (all the while wondering when it would be over), though by the 5th 90-second interval, I had the world's biggest side stitch and didn't know if I could do number 6 (which turned out to be 2 full minutes instead of 1 1/2). That I am writing this post says that I did, in fact, complete number 6, and I survived well and am quite proud of myself.

On to the 5K!

Interval Training, Day 1

I decided a couple of days ago that I was going to start some interval training. Why I decided that I cannot, for the life of me, figure out this morning. I can walk 3 miles at a pretty good pace without getting winded. I hate to run. HATE it. So, I can't figure out what inspired me except the novelty of a challenge. The particular intervals I'm doing are designed to get you from nothing to running 3 continuous miles in 9 weeks. Pretty good, since we're thinking about doing a 5K in about that. Free Astros tickets come into the motivation for that one -- 2 for each participant. It's good to have goals.

Anyway, I did my first session yesterday, and I am SORE. I'm not sure how I feel about that, except I'm glad that I was acquainted with exercise and didn't try to start from nothing. Anyone out there have any ideas or advice on how to get the most out of interval training?