Well, obviously I haven't posted in awhile, and part of that is due to feeling like I didn't have anything worth posting. Today's writing is worth posting, because I decided to stop my antidepressants. I've been on them for 4 years and had a revelation this weekend. I am NUMB. I'm tired of being numb. I forgot a couple of doses while I was out of town (yes, I had them with me; I just forgot) and just didn't start back on them when I got back home. As I'm a healthcare professional, I KNOW the caveats about working with your doctor to stop, and tapering down. I did neither. I stopped cold turkey, and thankfully I was on one that doesn't have super severe side effects from stopping (can there be side effects if there is no drug?). I'm experiencing "withdrawal" symptoms, but nothing severe, and I'm finding that my impulses to do crazy (good) stuff are coming back. I read something today about always letting those close to you know that you love them, so I undressed and got in the shower with hubby. The impulse was to kiss him hard and tell him how much I love him. On the meds? That wasn't there. Over the weekend, I had a few GOOD cries, and it was nice to actually feel something again, even if negative at the time. I know the negative and positive will ebb and flow, and that's okay. I'm ready to face both, because without one (the lows), you cannot have the other (the highs). I've started reading my Bible again and am content in both the Lord and my decision. Passion doesn't come from unfeeling. It comes from deep feeling, which is scary and awesome, all at the same time.