Boxes

Lately, I've been having trouble keeping things nice and separate. I've always been able to do that, but my ability to keep things neat is leaving me. And I don't mean my house.

Case(s) in point: I am currently maintaining (or helping to maintain) 4 blogs. One is quickly coming to a close, but that still leaves 3. They are all attempts to separate different parts of my life. One is Brasilian, one is for the next phase of my life, one is to keep track of the books I'm reading, and the last is one I co-author by making general commentary about what I'm reading.

Sometimes I wonder if I am spinning plates or juggling knives, if something is bound to fall and destroy the order I work so hard to create. I am learning (albeit slowly) that life is messy. Compartments don't always work. People tend to drift from one compartment to another -- from friend to family to work and back. I try not to put people in boxes, to let them be who they are, but those compartments are just so handy. They keep people at bay, far enough away so that they don't see me at my most real. They lift responsibility from me to give of myself for others. At the end of the day, I can't justify that. And so, though it's hard to stay out of the boxes, I try. Life is messy. Jesus was messy. God is messy. Since I follow Him, my life will be messy. People will drift. Categories will be dynamic and fuzzy. What is truly order will seem like disorder to me, who is not used to the ways that God works. Still, after 18 years.

One thing I know. His way is always best.